"I think you have to know who you are. Get to know the monster that lives in your soul, dive deep into your soul and explore it." - Tori Amos
The past few months of my life have been utter and complete hell, but it is lessened and much more bearable by having the amazing people in my life that I do. Life has a way of showing you just who you need and who you are through fire and ice.
I've scars, both literal and metaphorical, and while the ones on the flesh have healed the deeper ones on the heart and soul will take time to heal. In time I hope to be able to be back to the me I'd worked so hard to be comfortable with, the me that strived for self and surround to be at peace. Right now I am but a fraction of that, relearning self-confidence, taking baby steps back to the beginning with a new perspective on life and the world around me.
The people that know me know me as the person they see within and not what someone tells them to believe or taking me for face value. I am more than the conjecture that is hanging about me, I am more than the armor and defenses I've built around myself – I am at my greatest behest only Me. Take me or leave me for what and who I am or take your leave, this I've learned. I thank my friends and family for being the ones to help me realize that this hell isn't forever.
Thank you, all of you.
While I am still on the mend, a lot has happened, much of which I won't get into, though the biggest is finally having a full time job working as a Book Seller. It is rewarding and wonderful, absolutely perfect for me, and couldn't have come at a better time. While the 40hr a week swing shift does slow down my ability to do art tremendously, I have been able to start really creating again. Art is soulful for me again, its returned to that place in my heart it never should have left. And with the changes to myself, it too, has taken on a change of its own.
In due time there will be something up to reflect all this change, but for the meantime, the most evident changes are just within sight. A fresh start, a fresh face – I am renewed.
Listening to: Run Like Hell - Two Steps From Hell
Watching: American Dad